The Onion has long been regarded as the leading source of parody news. Although they’ve leaned left for the last five years or so, this article on college students and the economy is worth a look.

Study Finds College Education Leaves Majority Of Graduates Unprepared To Carry Entire American Economic Recovery

NEW YORK—According to a new study published Wednesday in The American Educational Research Journal, an overwhelming majority of recent college graduates are completely unprepared to carry the full weight of the U.S. economic recovery.

The study, conducted by researchers at Columbia University, confirmed that a drastically high number of 22- to 24-year-olds lack even the most fundamental skills necessary to singlehandedly spark unbridled economic growth across the entire country for generations to come.

“Our findings indicate that many college graduates do not receive an education that adequately prepares them for turning around years of economic malaise and fostering a bold new era of American prosperity,” said Dr. Jason Fields, lead author of the report. “Even at elite colleges, most students leave school without a strong enough grasp on how to totally revitalize the manufacturing, housing, automotive, and health care industries of an entire country.”

“Simply put, American academic institutions are failing to equip their students with the tools to swiftly erase trillions of dollars of national debt,” Fields added. “In fact, most of them aren’t even able to save the vanishing middle class.”

Fields explained to reporters that in critical areas such as driving nationwide consumer spending, boosting the country’s GDP, and returning the U.S. to the forefront of international trade, today’s college graduates are floundering.