In a new post at The Brown Spectator, writer Oliver Hudson provides an accurate and helpful translation of Obama’s second inaugural address.

Translating the President

President Barack Obama delivered his second inauguration address Jan. 21. Much of the speech was a string of unintelligible platitudes, so, as a public service, The Spectator has translated below some of the speech’s excerpts into plain English.

Obama: “Each time we gather to inaugurate a president, we bear witness to the enduring strength of our Constitution.”

Translation: Never mind the fact that I have ridden roughshod over the Constitution. After all, I signed the Affordable Care Act, a violation of the enumerated powers of Congress. I assassinated an American citizen without due process, a violation of the Fifth Amendment. I bullied Chrysler’s secured creditors into accepting less than their due for the benefit of my union allies, a violation of the Takings and Due Process Clauses. But I’m a constitutional scholar, so just trust me that I’m protecting the Constitution when I say I am.

Obama: “…That they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Today we continue a never-ending journey to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time.”

Translation: By saying the words of the Declaration of Independence are malleable, I can say they mean anything I want them to mean.

Obama: “Together we discovered that a free market only thrives when there are rules to ensure competition and fair play.”

Translation: Only with nearly unlimited, unreviewable government oversight of markets can we prevent economic crises.

Obama: “No single person can train all the math and science teachers we’ll need to equip our children for the future, or build the roads and networks and research labs that will bring new jobs and businesses to our shores.”

Translation: Don’t kid yourself — the individual cannot be strong. Only together can we prosper.